So this won’t top the maggots in the kitchen rolling a couple balloons story, but it’s still pretty horrible:
Today, on the subway platform, a couple I see almost daily outside the bank near the corner of Yonge and Eglinton. She has a little doggy that isn’t terribly friendly to strangers and he sells the homeless paper. They are friendly enough. I have never seen them traveling before, and he was dragging a small suitcase with wheels. Something about it caught my eye, something moving inside it, visible in a open zipper. I looked closer…COCKROACHES!!!! Lots of ‘em! I quickly scurried away, like a cockroach would, out of fear. Then I got my wits about me and took a picture with my phone. So, yeah, it’s blurry and you can’t see anything gross, but trust me, there was probably a hundred bugs in the pocket and who knows how many more inside. Then I purposely sat as far away from that bag as I could…
Would it be possible to get bedbugs this way? I worry about stuff like that… :(
Remember this post? Remember how it was gross enough without the visuals? Ha ha on YOU. Shannon bought me a teeny tiny memory card for my phone and now I can post my phone pictures! Yay for everyone!
Really. Is that not the grossest thing ever?
Ok, I wasn’t going to tell this little story, but because I had such a fun evening-in which I went to see Mamma Mia! with the woman I work for who decided that she’s so in love with Pierce Brosnan that he feels the same way about her-that ended so hilariously, I have to share.
The other day I went to Sephora to look at makeup and maybe buy a little treat. I go to Shopper’s a lot, like, a LOT, and wind up playing in their makeup section but I don’t really trust the makeup ladies there, so I thought I could ask more questions at Sephora about Smashbox Cosmetics. There’s this anti-shine stuff that’s so awesome, really, I hate wearing powder and I really hate wearing foundation. So I was kind of drooling over that and the magical blush stuff (will someone please tell me how this works) and across the room I saw the most incredible person ever: a man wearing makeup. Not that it’s that huge a deal, I guess. You see dudes with eyeliner all the time, right? Well, this guy was one up on those guys. He had foundation, bronzer, perfectly waxed eyebrows and…what can only be described as makeup sideburns. His head was shaved very closely (not bald, though) and he’d filled in his hairline with some kind of soft black makeup. It was subtle, yes, but it was SO crazy obvious.
And I laughed. I laughed and laughed and called Emily, who wasn’t home so I told her mom about the guy. Then I laughed more and tried to hide but he kept wanting to look at the same stuff as me and I finally bought what I wanted and left with no further browsing. I was super tempted to say something to one of the employees there (something clever like ‘holy, I dig his burns!’) but what if they know him? What if he’s a regular customer that spends tons of money and they all love him? What if he’s a personal friend of one of them?
I resisted. It was hard. I have been laughing about it since and everyone I tell this story to is quite jealous and wish they’d seen him irl…
Lucky me, I ran into him again tonight. I was laughing my head off again, at something else, and there he was out of the corner of my eye, Sideburn Makeup. He must think I am crazy. I know, I should have followed him, but I didn’t…
Here’s another sign that I am getting old: I don’t understand the fashions of today. For instance: On the subway ride home there were two mid-teen girls who were both wearing mini shorts with lumberjack socks and one had moccasins on her feet, the other had Birkenstocks. Ugly as hell.
But before that, I saw this lovely lady walking in front of me. I started laughing out loud and tore through my purse to find my camera and I didn’t even bother turning off the flash to be surreptitious. Eff that, her shirt was screaming for a picture. My pleasure!
It’s a little bunched up, so I will help: It reads “COMMING TO THE PARTY?”
Oh boy. That paired with the acid washed multi-ruffle mini skirt and smelly old flip flops, I’m going to decline the invitation.
So I went to the house today to do more organizing and cleaning. I got a LOT of work done. It seems easier when you’re alone with no distractions. I finished our bedroom, Ari’s bedroom and both bathrooms, and did a bunch of work in the kitchen. I should have known something weird was going on in the house when I found the first maggot on the floor in the middle of the top floor hallway. That’s the first ew in the title.
But the kitchen… Ali, stop reading now, ok? I moved a bag that was on the floor in the kitchen, an empty bag, a big plastic tote bag from Ikea…And there were about 40 maggots under it. Nothing stinky, nothing gooey, nothing foody, nothing yummy (for maggots), just…maggots. And then they all started crawling in unison in the same direction and I screamed. I screamed in an empty house, by myself, around mid day. Then I grabbed a broom and tried to corral them into a pile while I contemplated their fate. Then they all started crawling in unison again so I screamed again. Luckily I was interrupted by a phone call from Shannon. Who was NO help at all.
What made it really scary was that there were 2 balloons on the floor, empty, untied balloons. One red and one blue. So when I swept the maggots into a tidy pile the balloons were swept into it too. Then when the maggots started their disgusting race, they made the balloons slowly roll across the floor too. Vom, right? I had the brains to take a couple pictures, but I only had my phone cam with me and I don’t know how to make them appear on my computer.
Ew ew ew. To the max.
I was looking for size 5 swim suits today and found this. The tag inside says it’s for an 18 month old.
Is your toddler sexy? Were her first words “that’s hot”? This bathing suit was $3o at Winner’s. Gross, eh.
I laughed at this earlier and had the song stuck in my head for a while. I shared it with Roo, who laughed too. Now it’s your turn.
Fetal Scooby Doo…I wish I thought up things like this.
Thanks to GM.
NSFW?
Yes, I stole it from Digg.
I went out for girls night on Saturday with Emily, Libs and Jen. We went to Dee’s for King’s Crown and wings. It’s very strange, after so many nights spent there to leave without a) reaking of cigarette smoke and b) falling into a gutter. It’s also very weird to see children there. La plus ca change, n’est-ce pas?
On my way there, on the TTC, I waited for a while at Bathurst station where I was entertained by the pigeons milling about inside the station. They are like miniature humans, they are so comfortable being indoors. And the best part when one wandered up to the window and looked outside at the pigeons there. I really wonder what they are thinking. Probably very little.
As it were, I couldn’t resist taking a picture:
And these:
Sorry for the graininess. I was using a different setting on my camera, which works well for outdoor skating pictures, but not so well for indoor pigeon pictures.
I have spent the last few weeks pouring over Amazon.com and adding insane amounts of nonsense to my wishlist. Today I came across what may become my favourite vendor ever. They do printed t shirts and while a lot of them are rather typical “funny” shirts, such as Nintendo logos or Dwight from The Office, a lot of them can be broken down into 2 categories:
“I <3 _____”
A few of these make sense, but only a small few. Most don’t make ANY sense whatsoever, not even to an alien. Some samples:
See what I mean? Provel? Who’s Steph? Or Vito Fossella?
Or these:
Yes, I did look up stuff on Wikipedia too. Vlissingen is Dutch for Flushing, a city, I guess. We know what wookies are and what Velveeta is. Robert Gould Shaw? Hmm. Yeah, I guess I love him.
The other category is “funny phrases”. Funny is a loose term.
I know, the third one over belongs in the first categories, but I thought it was funny that it got spelled out rather than a red heart. Isis Isis ra ra ra? WTF?? I do admit that I would wear the last one happily.
They also have weird rando picture shirts and these two represent my favourites:
Yes, the first one is a man truffle hunting with his pig on a leash. The second is a beekeeper. No, it’s not every day you see a truffling shirt, is it? I almost put it on my wish list. ALMOST.
Feel free to post your favourites in my comments. There are so many to choose from and I only got to the 12th page of pictures before I had to rest. And also feel free to buy me any thing on my wish list. Really.
