In here life is beautiful… The girls are beautiful…

I actually stared at the first one for a long, long time and thought about a practical joke my parents played on wealthy friends of theirs a million years ago.

The next 2 aren’t as cool, but I can tell you that they are very soft. And tempting. And kind of gross. And not tempting at all.

I was extremely not tempted by this, the final item of today’s excursion. In fact. I stayed a minimum of 2 metres away at all times.

‘Cause ‘hope I find crotchless panties’ is the first thing that pops into your head when you’re browsing at V.V.

Other than these exciting items (which I did not buy), the trip was good because someone had donated an upright piano which was being played by a pre-teen boy. Played? Massacred is more like. Better than screaming babies, which is the usual sound track. Also, if you were wondering, all but the girl with chicks paintings are gone. My blog sold them, I’m guessing. I also found the outer box of Tramacet (a pain killer for moderate to moderately severe pain) being used as a book mark in a book titled “Pain Free Living for Drug Free People”. Makes sense to me.

(And if you were wondering, yes, I did buy something: a couple yards of toile type fabric, cream with a blue print.)

You may well be wondering why I go to Value Village so often, and that’s very reasonable. I’m on the hunt for vintage percale sheets. That is ALL. Well, ok, you never know when you really will find a treasure, I also look at hand knit sweaters and for yarn/crafting supplies. I’ve never found anything worth while, because the store is full of this type of win:

For real. It’s full length and yours for ONLY $12.99. It’s size 15 and I bet that it’s still there right now if you run quickly NOW.

But wait. There’s this:

Cute, eh? It’s short and made of poly-cotton knit. And it’s a mere $24.99. Srsly. A bally worn out dress that someone probably wore to bed or over their swimsuit for $24.99. Dresses at Winners-NEW DRESSES-average out at the same price. New, pretty dresses that are current styles. Or you could get this:

This dress not only has stains AND a pull in the fabric right on the front, not only has the seems literally coming apart with threads flapping in the wind, NOT only is 100% polyester, it’s also $24.99.

I actually flagged down an employee to ask her wtf is going on with these insane prices (and there were LOTS of dresses in this one size section with similar insane issues) and she waved me away, don’t bug me ask a manager. Which I did try to do but I was totally distracted by an incredible art collection. I was literally laughing my head off with a huge lineup of people right beside me, my phone out and taking pictures brazenly.

Sorry they’re blurry but I think you get the gist.

All by the same artist. But here’s my favourite:

Ho. Lee. Shit. Balls. Can you imagine that hanging in your house? Over your baby’s crib maybe? Oh. I love that painting so much. It belongs in the Museum of Bad Art.  Maybe they all do?

Oh, and in case you’re wondering-because you ARE-how much to bring to buy an original painting?

Don’t worry, they accept all major credit cards there.

And they need help with conversions, it seems.

I imagine Dick Van Dyke’s voice as Bert in Mary Poppins.

(I was looking for a picture of an owl. I swear.)

Last night, on my way home from quilting class (which, just to be clear, I LOVE!), I was on the bus, headphones deep in my ears blaring Howard Stern when 2 LDS guys got on. I think, if I remember correctly, their names were Elder Brainwashed and Elder Superdoy. Anyway. One leaned towards me and said something that I couldn’t hear because Howard was in the middle of moderating an arguement between Bababooey and that filthy clown guy.  So I pulled a headphone out of one ear and asked him to repeat himself.

“Is that a bag?” he says, gesturing to my-get this-bag.

So I asked him to repeat himeself again and I guess I’d heard him right the first time.

“Is that a bag?”

How does one even answer the world’s stupidest question? It was very difficult to keep the sarcasm at a minimum.

“Yes” says I, slowly. “It IS a bag. I mean, my bag…it’s a bag.” Then I smiled kindly. That kind of dumb you don’t want to anger. Then I put my headphone back in my ear and turned away to discourage more silliness.

Fast forward 24 hours.

After work this evening I was on the subway, minding my own business, knitting and listening to Howard again. A man sits beside me-ok, not beside, but I was facing forward, he was facing sideways, so our knees were pretty much touching-and he’s eating out of a giant bag of movie popcorn. Watching me knit. Then he dropped a popcorn onto his coat without noticing and it tumbled down between us, maybe landing on my boot. No big deal. Then he speaks:

“I bet my popcorn bothers you!” in a playful way but as he says it, a piece flies OUT OF HIS MOUTH, landing on my purse.

It didn’t bother me at all until that exact moment. Thanks.

I had a super day: I went to ROM all by myself which is a great way to see everything I want to see without worrying if everyone else is having fun. It was so nice, the Vanity Fair show was wonderful, I love portrait photography. Plus it brought me up to the 4th floor where the gallery of textiles and costumes is, and I love that. Sad, sort of. Our family membership expires on the 30th so this was my last chance to go.

Then I ate at Whole Foods, again, I love it there. I looked around at everything first, then I ate at their hot and cold prepared food bars. SO GOOD. My favourite salad in the world is there, the purple kale with raw beets in an orange vinaigrette (and if any clever people out there have this exact recipe, PLEASE pass it on to me), and I have it with extra beets. Raw beets ftw. And I had some scalloped potatoes and broccoli and quinoa salad and a corn salad. All for almost $10. I also love the bathroom at Whole Foods, not just for the awesome sign on the door and the magical hand dryer, but because they have a thing at the bottom of the door that lets you open it with your foot, rather than dirtying up your hands on the handlebar. Perfect.

Then I went on to a weird designer sale in the basement of a church that had shoes and clothes and stuff but I managed to resist. Then more shopping, gearing up to Xmas.

OH. Then I overheard an awesome conversation at the corner of Bay and Bloor, right outside the Gap store there. An old man begging for money with one of his pants legs rolled up and picking at the most revolting leg ever: purple and drippy, his sock was stained OMG SO GROSS.  A young woman had stopped and was lecturing him “you should cover that up, it’s NASTY!” and he says “well, I don’t got my medication for it” and she says “yeah, well, you should get a bandage or pull your pants down ’cause it’s so NASTY!!!” and I couldn’t help but laugh because she was right, it was about as nasty a leg as I have ever seen. Poor old fella. He looked like this old weirdo that used to shop at the Snail when I worked there.

Anyway, when flying with a 6 year old there are many ways to entertain them, here is just one of thousands: draw on magazines. I think this is a habit I picked up from my sister (who’s birthday it is tomorrow, Happy Birthday Megan!) when I was a kid. It amused the hell out of Ari on our way home from Costa Rica.

Poor Jaycee and Elizabeth, we really went crazy on them. Not for any reason either, there just happened to be a lot of clear pictures of them. And you might notice that a couple of faces have been re-drawn to look like daddy. Hee hee!

I took this on my way home from Dufferin Mall today.

I had to squat down to take my camera out of my backpack plus I had my headphones in and an apple clamped in my teeth so naturally this is the perfect time to be harassed by a security guard. Now I know everyone has at least ONE story about some piece of shit security guard over extending himself, but I was on the grass between the sidewalk and the parking lot, and I took 2 pictures OF THE SKY. It’s really no wonder he felt compelled to ask me if everything was ok and then to helpfully inform me that “photography on mall property isn’t allowed”. Just, ya know, fyi.

Thanks. I guess I missed the sign informing me? I actually laughed really loudly after he said that. Anyone that knows me irl knows I laugh…loud. Anyway, he walked off with a boner, presumably.

Men.

Oh, and did you know how hot this new Shakira video is? Not the song, not so much, but her, wow. Her body is…dang.

An homage to  René Magritte.

This is actually a cupcake in the form of a cake. So maybe it is a cake?

It seems, in hot weather, I let a lot of things slide. Don’t worry, Treyci and Jana, I haven’t forgotten about you or your acorns. Largely, they’re done, I just need more caps-which seems to be a problem right now. There are lots of things I’ve been meaning to blog about and now’s as good a time as any. Right?

1 My Hair. People still want to know how it’s going, and it’s still great. No shampoo since December and it looks super. My hair regimen goes like this: Sunday morning, I brush my hair out and then hop into a shower, rinse, use conditioner (Suave is the cheapest no-cone one I can find) and rinse with cold water. Then I squeeze as much water out of it as I can and wrap it in a microfiber towel for half an hour to soak up whatever is left. Don’t worry, it’s still really wet after that. Then I use a squirt of Badur’s vegan leave-in conditioner (which I LOVE LOVE LOVE). And I scrunch my hair to encourage curliness and that’s it. Mid week, like, Thursday, I often rinse again, but don’t condition, and use the leave-in. My hair is getting crazy long, it’s almost to my waist when wet. I am kind of dying for a hair cut but I’m scared to see a stylist who’s all hung up on washing the shit out of it and wrecking my 6+ months of no ‘poo.

2 Punk Medics. So, Badur generously gave me 2 big bottles of his new bath products line in the hopes that I would write a kind review. Well, it took me long enough, eh? It’s super great stuff, both the leave-in and the Body Wash.  Took me a bit to wrap my head around using products with no perfumes in them, but now I am a convert. The body wash is so nice, it’s soft and makes your skin feel super clean. And I will only use that leave-in from now on. And vegan? Yes please!

3 Ha ha. Yesterday we were stopped at a red light beside this red Viper that took off like a bat out of hell when the light turned green. Shannon was in the middle of saying how dollar for dollar that car is the best deal out there when a police car pulled him over. I guess the cop was hidden behind the big old truck. We all had a good laugh.

4 Sprinkle city. Ari and her good pal Cassie (”It’s short for Cassandra!”) love ice cream and they especially love ice cream that’s been encrusted with sprinkles. Shannon found this vat at the grocery store and I can’t wait to see Ari’s face when she sees it. Pure joy.

5 And the rest. I found the goat milk yogurt I’ve been looking for since I was in Montreal. It’s by Liberty and it’s so intense, sour and delicious. I might turn it into cheese. I also found a pop that I like and that Shannon  does not like so I am guaranteed a glass of it when I want it. Our space is getting hot and I think it’s time to invest in a couple more tarps to cover the sun intensifying windows. We’ve loaned our main space to the girls next door who are aerial acrobats, they’ve hung a giant chandelier and have been doing their stuff….Any questions?

ps 2 more things-I made Shannon’s favourite summer salad (the chickpea, pasta, dill, lemon, feta one) and I am planning on making this pizza for dinner with a few substitutions…heck yesss!

burgeons and…hand print?

Luckily I live with someone who has far superior brain power than me and now I know that I really only need to type one of the 2 words anyway and it should (and did) work. Then I learned how captchas work, and that was very interesting too and I vow not to complain about this type any more.

I went to Indigo today to pick up Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator for bed time reading today and walked past this:

I actually stopped, gazed into the distance and said “hm” aloud, then walked back while surreptitiously getting my camera out and turning off the flash. I mean, really? NON fiction? Call me a non-believer, really, go ahead, it’s ok, but I thought even the hardest of hardcore Christians were like, well, lots of the bible are just stories, parables as it were.

Let’s get this straight, for once and for all: I am Atheist. I was born and raised Atheist by Atheists. I’ve never believed in a higher power. Yes, I say ‘lord’ and ‘Jeez’ a lot, I know it, but I don’t really mean it.  I am trying to break that habit. And for the record, I don’t mind that most of my friends DO believe in god. Or gods, maybe. So I would hope that they don’t mind that I don’t.

Ok.

Yesterday was my birthday, indeed, and it was a good day all around.  I had an enormous lunch at Swiss Chalet with my boss and then supper with my family and a beautiful cake. I might be making a trip to Montreal to see my sister soon, that will be nice.

For the record: I am not pregnant. I repeat, I am not pregnant. I keep hearing rumours that I am, and I promise, I am not.

And ps, for Micheal, hope your surgery was a huge success and that we see you back home at Courtyard ASAP!