Category: love

Where to begin?

Posted by Caitlin Jane – 13/06/2011

I got fabric in the mail today that I love love LOOOOVE!!! I also got fabric (AND a serger!!) from my beloved Libs and I LOVE that too. So exciting. Check this out:

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Gosh, right? Where to begin?

The main fabric, the largest swath that everything else is sitting upon, that was from Libs, it’s 2.5 yards and it’s Anna Maria Horner and it’s decor weight (a little heavy) and it will be the back of my yellow quilt. GOSH! Look at it again, it’s so seriously beautiful. And goes perfectly with everything else. Yes, I’m dying over here.

The fan of yellows is what I got in the mail today (except the honey comb, that’s Tula Pink from the workroom), it’s mostly a fabric line called Hideaway (very available on etsy) and it’s all clocks and yodeling and alpine scenery. The yellow and white stripes is by Lecien and it’s nice but it might be a little dull with the rest of the yellows but I might still use it.

The purples, I was supposed to get one full yard of the smaller print but the woman that sold it to me realized after the fact that she’d run out so she sent what she had of it, half a yard, and another half yard of the larger print and I LOVE them too. SO pretty and that’s the binding of my yellow quilt, friends. You’re seeing it in it’s very earliest stages.

Other super exciting news: Libs is having a girl! The noise I keep making starts loudly, it’s like “EEEE!” and then continues for a few seconds and then more of the same and my eyes start watering because I am seriously so deliriously happy and excited. I will spoil this child, I promise everyone that. I wasn’t living in Toronto when her first kiddo was born so he got the shaft but not this time!

And to cap it all off, I think I broke my left foot (yes, foot this time, yay!) ring toe. I dinged it getting into the shower (in a truly wretched hangover state) and stood there making a less joyous eeee noise while the water warmed up. I couldn’t sit around and baby it because it was my mom’s 70th birthday party and I had to go go go. It turned nice and purple over the course of the day and it hurts like hell 24 hours later.

The birthday party was super fun. Her friends really like to hug everyone and each other and it’s all very loving and sweet. And a giant bowl of shrimp helped. And the gravlax. Gimme some of that any day.

Beauty in the city

Posted by Caitlin Jane – 08/06/2011

No need to ramble on about how hot it was today, you felt it too, right? We don’t have AC here so I was forced out to buy a couple fans to keep air circulating. Lucky for me, I came across the prettiest irises I have ever seen. Most around here are variations on purple, some white, yellow and burgundy, but peach? Wow. Thank you!

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Stunning. The smell of them will always remind me of coming home late at night when I was a teenager-there was a row of them along the front walkway on Wolseley Ave.

Of course poppies. You know how I feel about poppies-really good. They might be my favourite flowers of them all. This patch is around the corner and every year I mean to ask for a seed pod and every year I forget.

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I’m glad no one picks them so everyone can enjoy them.

K is for Kiran

Posted by Caitlin Jane – 07/06/2011

It was Kiran‘s first birthday last week and her party was on Sunday. Shannon and I had a couple gifts but had no wrapping paper so I got to work. I was just going to use fabric tied with ribbon but then I thought I could make something double useful and came up with this:

It should work well for diapers and wipes. I know nothing about babies so I honestly have no idea what kind of clobber they require, I imagine it’s a lot? Anyway, it was nice coming up with a dual purpose gift.

Is there anything…

Posted by Caitlin Jane – 07/06/2011

…wantier than this sofa? I snapped this at Anthropologie. It’s seriously gorgeous, all raw silk (I think!) and bright and lovely. Delicious.

…sillier than skinny jeans for newborns? In GOB Bluth’s voice: “Come on!”

…more relaxing than a hammock in the city?

 

GPOYW

Posted by Caitlin Jane – 07/06/2011

Not actually taken today, but it’s a GPOM in any case.

Taken on my way out the door to Jana‘s bridal shower/bachelorette. I never wear lipstick and Shannon said I looked really pretty so maybe I ought to wear it more often.

G.P.O.Y.W. (B.G.E.*)

Posted by Caitlin Jane – 11/05/2011

This is after an enormous amount of sushi and a giant slice of iced cream cake. Hopefully that excuses the look of discomfort.

Taken to mark my 39th birthday. I had a great day, thanks, I did a bunch of lounging, then I went to VV and got a couple plates, some black and white gingham (I am addicted to gingham!) and a 1026 piece puzzle that I am already about 1/4 done. For gifts Ari gave me an amazing box she made AND $5, and Shannon gave me a super bling watch, Portal2, a couple books and some crazy thread that glows in the dark.

Now to top the perfect day off with the perfect evening, Survivor and ANTM.

*Birthday Girl Edition

Little yellow trousers

Posted by Caitlin Jane – 08/03/2011

Another toy I made using a pattern from one of the Aranzi Aronzo books.

It’s pinned onto my judy that’s wearing my favourite Barbra Streisand wig. Also pinned are the certificate of authenticity for my engagement ring, a tank top pattern cut from a shopping bag, small pink Easter bunny toy, the small bird mola from Panama.

Mostly? I love my life.

Haha! Yay!

Posted by Caitlin Jane – 31/01/2011

So less than 13 hours after she last commented on my blog, my dear friend Ali had her damn baby! Daniel Clayton Mooney, born January 31 at 6:34 am, 6lbs 14oz, 20″ long.

Ali, you are going to be a GREAT MOM!!! You are going to ace this, I know it! I wish I could be there to help out more. And I hope your address hasn’t changed, ok?

Love you!

Further unsolicited advice that will probably be removed shortly.

Posted by Caitlin Jane – 30/01/2011

I was in the shower (with my new radio!) thinking about that last post, thinking about the friendship that ended and thinking about why it ended and when it ended. It’s 2 years and it’s time for me to come clean:

It ended at the same time I was going through a miscarriage. Even typing that I got tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. It was the saddest, most emotionally painful time of my entire life. It was a wanted pregnancy, it felt important and special, especially happening when it did, at the tail end of some extreme unpleasant shit we were going through. Extreme? Seriously, practically unbearable. When I reconnected with Shannon I knew I wasn’t in for an easy time, I knew we’d be judged and that people would scrutinize it with cruelty. I knew that. I didn’t know what I was really in for and it was very taxing, very difficult and there were plenty of days when I was ready to walk away from my relationship with Shannon but I stuck it out. Love, eh?

Anyway, it was the end of the legal madness and the start of his illness and that pregnancy-again and again and again-was wanted. Needed. I felt (correctly) that it was my one chance to have a baby of my own. My ONLY chance to have a baby with the man I’d loved for a long time and who I was starting to sense wasn’t going to be around forever. A baby that would be a piece of him.

The day I went to my first ultrasound, I went alone, I had no idea things would change so quickly, that I’d hear such terrible news and then be stuffed into an office that wasn’t equipped with tissues. I guess, in hindsight, I could have insisted that Shannon go with me.  How could I have known??

Then to be told “I knew this would happen” did not help. And to be told how selfish Shannon was for not accompanying me, that also did not help.

The advice I have for any woman going through a miscarriage: ask for support and be clear, to your partner, exactly what that means. It seems, in my experience and from watching friends go through similar situations, the baby daddy doesn’t get what’s going on. He has no idea what you are going through, he doesn’t have the same emotional attachment that you did, and might not be the best help. Tell him. Draw a picture, write a letter, scream, but be clear: I need flowers, tea every half hour, a foot rub, 8,000 hugs and kisses and love. And then more love.

For the best friend: be there. Offer your love and bring it on. Don’t just sit back, be proactive. A person dealing with a miscarriage might not be able to ask clearly for your support, there’s something shameful about it, at least for me. Don’t wait to be asked, just force it upon her. It will be appreciated, even just a visit. And love and then more love.

Did I mention love?

Don’t say “this happens to almost everyone”. So what? In this moment it’s happening to ME and I don’t care what’s happened to anyone else.

Don’t say “at least this means you can have another baby”. That might not be true and it doesn’t matter anyway.

Don’t be surprised if your friend isn’t terribly interested in what your beautiful child is up to. Or that they don’t want to attend a baby shower. Or look at babies. Or anything baby-esque. It takes time to heal from a miscarriage. Most days I feel healed. Some days though, not so much. 2 years later.

And please don’t walk away from a friendship because you are “sick of dealing with someone else’s shit”. For me, that miscarriage was the peak of my “shit”. I was being selfish and needy, I apologize for that.

Are we clear? (And I seriously hope that everyone understands that there is a lot more to this story than I am willing or able to write about here. This is MY side, this is how I feel and MY take on all of it. Obviously there is a lot more to a 16 year friendship than can just be boiled down to one blog entry. And honestly, other than the tail end of it, I have nothing but extremely happy memories of her.)

I’m not good at this stuff

Posted by Caitlin Jane – 01/01/2011

So I will quote the amazing Neil Gaiman:

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”

I love you all very much and I want to thank everyone for all the support you’ve given me in the past, difficult, year.

xoxo
Love,
Caitlin