That’s me, today.

I’m working on a dress for myself. It’s an easy pattern, the staple dress by April Rhodes who we met at camp, fell in love with, and I was tempted to kidnap her and take her home with me. Lord knows she is small enough. Anyway, my first one will be done soon.

I guess this was more about glasses than sewing.

A long time ago, 6 years, when I first got back together with Shannon, a lot of people weren’t terribly thrilled. My best friend at the time was particularly unhappy about it, she had been around during the first break up and she knew, deep down, that my relationship with Shannon would “end badly”. She said that out loud to my face. Such hurtful words that had haunted me since I heard them.

And how right she was, what a bad ending. Possibly the worst ending? I’m sure she’s proud, she sure told me.

She wins.

Anyway. It’s been really awful. I miss Shannon all the time, I miss his humour and love and stories about rockets and his smells. I miss his beard and his homoerotic tattoo. I miss finding beard hairs everywhere. I miss him constantly encouraging me to work hard, follow my dreams, and be strong. We are at the 8 week mark and I’m starting to heal but it ain’t easy. The apartment we shared is still full of art and all kinds of business that is just a constant reminder of him, day in, day out.

The good news is that I won’t be here forever. I’m no longer tied to this area because it’s close to the pharmacy that has his medicine. I’m no longer tied to this city because it’s where his doctors are. I can go anywhere, I can do anything, it’s a big, wide open world and it’s all mine. I don’t want to be the Yoko Ono to his John Lennon and I know that he wouldn’t have wanted that for me either.

Mostly I want to thank all the kind, generous, thoughtful, people out there. I have received so many beautiful emails, phone calls and visits from old friends and new, strangers, fans, family, artists and bodymod practitioners. And all the money donated to my paypal has gone into a trust fund for Ari, every penny. Her post secondary education is definitely covered savings are looking good. In my dreams she goes into science, researching genetic diseases, and finds a cure for all myopathies. Of course she can do whatever makes her happy, she is a Larratt, she will be successful at anything she tries. And she will be loved by everyone that comes near her, she’s a wonderful girl.

The list of individuals I need to thank publicly goes like this (and if I missed you, I apologize, my brain is still flying at half mast): mum, dad, Megan, Kathy, Devon, Ashleigh, Libs, Michelle, Saira, Michael, Kiran, Corrie, Ryan, Molly, Ryan, Amber, Marty, Ashley, Scott, Shane, Jovanka, Marc, Nicole, Gillian, Jill, Badur, Clive, Kerrick, J.J., Sheri, Jana, Jason, Chris, Dave, Therasa, Gillian, Julia, Stephanie1, Stephanie2, Abbie, Anna, Terri-Lyn, Joe, Danny, Jim, Trudy, Richard, Jill, Holly, Collen, V. The love and support, the groceries and drinks, the open ears and advice that you guys have given me is hugely appreciated. I love you all.

Be kind to each other, hug more, laugh more, take the time to visit a friend or relative that has fallen off your radar. Spread love around and stay strong.

It’s pretty obvious I adore her.

I’ll post a picture of my haircut as soon as a decent picture of me is taken (this one is about 2 months old).

I actually did a bunch of work on the space today, hung a ton of paintings and art, stashed what isn’t going to be displayed up in the loft, sorted out a pile of boxes, and organized storage. I also did a mountain of laundry, all folded and put away, went grocery shopping, made dinner, and swept. I spend a LOT of time sweeping here, the concrete floor is crumbling in spots and there is dust all the time. And the kitty litter is in the bathroom so that’s always a mess. It’s coming together and we are getting used to the noises and temperatures of a new home.

Tomorrow we are going to see The Hobbit.

Our new space is wonderful, full of natural light and I sure do like that. Still lots of room for suspensions There are issues that are taking time to get used to, the radiators are crazy loud and there is no escaping them, for instance. Our new bathroom only has a shower stall and I find it hard to navigate. There is very little in terms of storage and after years of unlimited space, that’s a funny one to suck up. I’ll also be using a laundromat for the first time in 4 years, I hope I survive.

Anyway. It was the worst move ever, in so many ways. I’m eternally grateful to our friends that helped out, especially Dave and his room mate, and Badur who always comes through. I’m also relieved that Shannon survived it all, I’d had my doubts leading up to the day but he seems so be in such better spirits lately, that’s encouraging.

When I’m feeling a little more settled, maybe in January, I’ll have an open house and invite everyone over.

Windows-good.

It takes me back to when I was in school and didn’t do homework or projects. Or practice music, or try at all at gymnastics. The only thing I’ve ever done that made me feel proud and brave was running the 100m sprint in grade 7, I came in first place. That is the first and last time I can remember feeling confident.

I promise, none of this is intentional, I hate it more than anyone who I’ve pissed off, I assure you. I just really, really, don’t want people looking at me, judging me, thinking about me. Maybe that makes no sense, especially with writing a blog that’s named after me, but there it is.

You should buy the magic zigzag pillows, all of them, they are seriously fucking amazing.

I was trying to go around the edges, haha. I’ll update footstool status as I get more finished.

Then I thought, hey, I could do that with one fat quarter. Ok, two. The fq I used is one of the cheater prints, fakey patchwork. I cut that into 5″ squares, 12 of them. Then I dug through my scrap stash and pulled out various solids and prints and I very nearly used some vintage sheet squares from Ari’s Traveller quilt (the yellow and blue is from that, the light purple from my sister’s hst quilt!), then I dug through my pink pile and found this special circle print that Libs gave me and it seemed perfect. I used an old yellow towel for the back. The mats I found online didn’t use binding but I’m a weirdo that likes binding so I pieced together some yellows from my log cabin and voila!


The binding is pretty brutal so if you’re ever visiting, don’t look too closely. I was going to use this opportunity to try out some free motion quilting but it’s so daunting I just went with white thread in the ditch and then straight lines of blue, pink, green, and orange.

So, who wants one? These might wind up on etsy.

This is the second version of this hat I’ve knit this week. One may well wonder just how many hand knit hats I require. The answer is simple: all of them. This yarn is Madelinetosh merino and it’s gorgeous. This colour way is called Robin’s Egg.


It’s soft and knits up quickly.

Have I mentioned the fish lately? Dylan, who was Donna’s replacement, has finally chilled out. Initially he was pretty scared and hid under rocks and was confused by Kelly’s desire to hide under him. I mean, really, she’s way bigger and it was pretty silly. Now he seems content to lurk at the surface and eat bubbles. All pet fish beg for food, I think, but for me it never gets boring. He is just about the cutest thing around and I’m hoping that when I move he comes with.